I tried to stand but my leg wouldn’t work. I just had to drag myself to the side of the ski run and wait. Meanwhile he had got so far down the mountain and stopped to wait for me but I didn’t appear. There was nothing for him to do but take off his skis and walk back up the mountain. Another occasion for him to get very, very hot. When he eventually found me I told him that I thought my leg was broken and that he had to go and get help. He then had to go all the way down the mountain to find the paramedics. I want you to bear in mind what I told you – he is not very good at turning. He just went straight down the mountain, gathering speed and cheers for snowboarders as he went.

Eventually they came to fetch me and I was brought down the mountain, flat on my back on an oilskin sled thing dragged behind a paramedic skier.

Here endeth my skiing career.